I found this post hanging out in my "draft" folder. I have no idea when I wrote it or why I never posted it. Funny, it still applies...
I'm done with Crohn's. I'm done with pain. I'm done with pain that has no cause or physical reason. I am done with scar tissue and surgeries and tests and X-rays. So done that I might have just crossed over into denial. I'm over being sick and feeling horrible. I'm tired of being tired. I have a headache from having headaches and my stomach hurts from stomach pain. I don't want to be the medical mystery of the doctor's office any more. I don't want to feel like some psycho with Münchausen syndrome because everything comes back normal on my tests. So, I am done. It's over. I'm out. It's finished. I'm done.
These thoughts are what rolls around in my head all day long. But it's not that easy. I can say I'm done but in all reality I am very far from being done. I have a battle to fight and a war to win and I will. Even if I am done Crohn's and it's crohnie friends (scar tissue, pain, prednisone, diarrhea, bloating, etc...) aren't taking the hint. They aren't done with me. So I fight. Every day I fight.
Get up, get out of bed, shower, get my daughter to school, get to work. Work, portray normal, suffer through. Go home, fix dinner, be a mom, be a wife, be a friend, try to relax and de-stress. Finally, bedtime. Sleep some and get up to do it all over again.
I'm done with Crohn's. I'm done with pain. I'm done with pain that has no cause or physical reason. I am done with scar tissue and surgeries and tests and X-rays. So done that I might have just crossed over into denial. I'm over being sick and feeling horrible. I'm tired of being tired. I have a headache from having headaches and my stomach hurts from stomach pain. I don't want to be the medical mystery of the doctor's office any more. I don't want to feel like some psycho with Münchausen syndrome because everything comes back normal on my tests. So, I am done. It's over. I'm out. It's finished. I'm done.
These thoughts are what rolls around in my head all day long. But it's not that easy. I can say I'm done but in all reality I am very far from being done. I have a battle to fight and a war to win and I will. Even if I am done Crohn's and it's crohnie friends (scar tissue, pain, prednisone, diarrhea, bloating, etc...) aren't taking the hint. They aren't done with me. So I fight. Every day I fight.
Get up, get out of bed, shower, get my daughter to school, get to work. Work, portray normal, suffer through. Go home, fix dinner, be a mom, be a wife, be a friend, try to relax and de-stress. Finally, bedtime. Sleep some and get up to do it all over again.
Comments
Post a Comment