Giving up

I went to Dr GI last week.  I saw the doctor for approximately 9 minutes.  Long enough for him to question me (again) about why I can't tolerate bile salt acid medication - because he obviously never wrote it down or he thinks I'm lying.  Either way, it's bullshit because after all this time the man should know exactly what it does and why my body doesn't tolerate it.  After the same questions were asked, he ran down the reasons why he doesn't think I have active Crohn's disease causing my problems.  He said, yet again, that he feels my problem 'could' be bile salt acid diarrhea. He even said he thinks it 'could' be some Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but 'definitely' not Inflammatory Bowel Disease because the colonoscopy, EGD, CT Scan, Small Bowel Follow Through and blood work I had done last year didn't show anything.  My doctor looked at me square in the face and said, "go home and do what you can on your own to control your diarrhea with Imodium since you can't tolerate anything else. Your abdominal pain is from chronic diarrhea. There is nothing else to do."  And he walked out.

There. Is. Nothing. Else. To. Do. 

Control your diarrhea On. Your. Own.

Nothing. Else. To. Do.

I can't even write this without tearing up.  I can't even fathom that this visit to the doctor really happened.  The doctor I have trusted for years, the doctor that I chose after having gone through several other doctors, the doctor I trusted, the doctor I needed, that doctor literally gave up and walked out on me. 

So that's it then.  This is the best my health will ever be.  Nothing can be done.  No cause can be found.  No more treatments can be tried.  This is it.  How is someone supposed to handle it when they've been totally given up on?  Fight? Throw a fit?  Go somewhere else?  Why?  Why bother?  Why go through it again?  It's pretty clear that I'm some kind of medical marvel that defies the odds of all current Western medicine and the educational capacity of the field of Gastroenterology on a whole.  So who would be able to help?  I've been doing this dance for over 20 years.  I've been through, at least, 5 doctors that I can remember, not including random doctors that have seen my history or treated me at a hospital.  No one has been able to help or figure it out and now it's all been left up to me to fix myself. Control your diarrhea ON YOUR OWN.

Go somewhere else and fight you might say?  Why fucking bother?  I give up too.

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